You have probably heard the phrase, “holding space” for someone. In the coaching world we use it a lot but what exactly does this mean?
To me as a coach, ”holding space” is giving my clients a “sacred space” in which they can be vulnerable and true to themselves so that they can attune to themselves in a way that didn’t happen for them as children - by being able to see, hear, and feel into themselves and their needs, desires, and values, and not those that were thrust upon them by others.
Many of us didn’t get this within our families and cultures while growing up. It often resulted in our suppressing our self-expression to fit in. We contracted so that we could be accepted. According to Dr. Gabor Mate,´ we chose attachment over authenticity.
Choosing attachment over authenticity at a young age leads to a life-long split from our Self. In order to please or appease our attachment figures, we become who we need to become to belong. Instead of learning about our needs and desires, we mold ourselves to meet the needs and desires of our attachment figures. We take less and less space because we make space for others.
So, how do we reconnect to our true and authentic Self?
This happens in the sanctity of a safe relationship. When someone can hold space for us, we can learn that we are worthy of taking up space, and in doing so, we begin to learn about ourselves - who we are, and what we need, desire, and dream about!
Ultimately, this helps us develop the capacity to hold space for ourselves!
What does that mean? It means that we connect to our true Self so that we shift from the meaning that we made about ourselves as children to know the deeper truth of who we are! Any beliefs we developed as children that we weren't lovable, or worthy, or that we had to do everything alone, can then be replaced with those of power, potential, and authentic connection with self and others.
