There are many things that go into healing, growth, and manifestation but there are some things without which none of them are possible. I put them into four categories starting with P.
The first thing that makes healing possible is psycho-social education. In order to heal past wounds we need to know how our past wounds and trauma have created survival patterns. This awareness is rooted in an understanding of trauma - how it is held in our mind and body and the way it impacts our spiritual connection to our Self.
At the same time, it is equally important to know that many experiences that we might not classify as trauma, have left a traumatic imprint in us. Being raised in a rigid, controlling, and authoritarian household, social norms related to the role of girls and women, unreasonably high expectations from us when we were children, and general lack of attunement by our parents/caregivers with us, are some ways in which we become socialized into self-suppression, even when we may not perceive those experiences as traumatic. Recognizing the patterns in our socialization is a necessary step toward healing.
Becoming aware and recognizing our patterns, leads us to the second P - perspective. We learn that there is a new and different way of relating to ourselves, others, and life. We gain the perspective that we aren’t broken, unlovable, or unworthy. We recognize that we made meanings about ourselves and our place in the world, at a very young age and we gain perspective on changing these meanings as an adult with the agency to do so. It is important to note that the meaning we made is mostly in our subconscious so that we aren’t aware of them even as we walk through life with them as our paradigm. It is this paradigm that we need to change and that’s where the third category comes into play.
To shift our worldview and the lens through which we see the world, we need a process that will guide this change. We aren’t just trying to change a habit; we are seeking to transform ourselves emotionally, mentally, somatically, and relationally! Essentially, we are on the path to transmuting ourselves into a new way of being in the world.
Transformation isn’t possible without a process that is relational and feels extremely safe. Without safety, our nervous system will continue to function at the level of survival it always has. The process has to be relational because we need someone to hold space for us and be present to mirror and reflect back to us what we might not be seeing about ourselves. Only a trained and seasoned coach can do this for us. (There are 8 coaching skills that go into this process). This process happens inside a healing incubator where we can yield to the support we are receiving, allow our wounded inner children to come out from the shadows so that they can be seen, heard, validated, and integrated, and reparent ourselves by learning what we didn't as children due to our trauma, and finally step into a new paradigm about ourselves and others.
This process is multidimensional and requires a guide to help us navigate the terrain. We wouldn’t climb Mount Everest without a sherpa and we can’t do this by ourselves. Yet, so many of us on the healing journey believe that we can self-help and self-heal without one. I, myself, have been guilty of this and it cost me a lot of time, money, pain, and hardship!
The final P is - practices! We already have practices in place - our patterns are what we have been practicing for all of our lives! Now we need to choose new, more wholesome, life-affirming practices that are growth-oriented and aligned with what we want to create in our life. The practices we choose to develop are specific to our needs. As we build our toolkit of practices, it is important to recognize that along with practices we need the discernment to know which one to use and under what circumstances. We need the right practice at the right time for the pattern that we are transforming.
Does all of this seem daunting to you? It can most certainly be if we are trying to do this by ourselves. In fact, doing too much or trying too hard can easily send us into a state of stuckness or freeze! At the same time, in order to heal and grow, evolve, and manifest our destiny, an intentional path is necessary and that is what these Ps lead us to! It is a heroine’s journey and as we know from all the fairy tales we have read, there are many challenges on that path and the heroine surmounts it all.
YOU are the heroine in your journey of life and you have everything it takes to create the life you want; the life you were born to live! As a trauma warrior, you have already encountered and surmounted immense challenges and adversity that you didn’t choose, and that you weren’t quite equipped to handle. This one, you are, because you have agency now and support is available to you and at the end of this journey there is everything you want in your life!
